Tempest

Saturday, 30 December 2006

Inexplicable

Its a build up.
You don't know where it came from. You never expected it.
You know it is deviant from normal because you haven't much experienced it before.
It surprises you. It takes over so suddenly, leaving you completely defenceless because you never saw it coming...this feeling of restless agitation.
You know the reason somewhere deep down below, but you can't quite put your finger on it.
Or maybe you don't want to acknowledge it.
You know its nothing tangible.
You know small worries from your daily ministrations would never cause this upheaval.
Its something you've known will come along and sweep you away in its tide.
You've tried to fight it for quite sometime but it does take over finally.
It irritates you more...the fact that you as usual cannot control it.
That it takes over and becomes overt.
That you show obvious signs of it by snapping at those around you, those who it does not involve. Those innocent bystanders who befriend you.
The fact that you reach a breaking point irritates you.
Is that all I am made of?
The question makes it even more harder.
It does not allow you to fully throw yourself in the whirlwind and get it over with.
Its a battle. Its a battle where for once you want the agitated whirlwind to win.
But you cannot allow it to. Your principles interfere.
I wonder what better they have ever done for you...these principles?
Nonetheless, with subdued breaths...you let better judgement win and the storm subsides.
In control agin. You know you will be fine and tomorrow will be another day.
You logically know that it was momentary irrational weakness.
You regret having let those who befriend you take the brunt of it,
but you are thankful.
You know it has passed. You made it.
But somewhere the inexplicable fear persists that the storm might come again.
Bigger and larger than before.
You should have let it overcome you so that it would have been gone.
But you squash that thought.
You regain your spirit and think tomorrow will be another day.

Posted by Pavitra :: 13:56 :: 3 comments