Tempest

Tempest

Saturday 30 December 2006

Inexplicable

Its a build up.
You don't know where it came from. You never expected it.
You know it is deviant from normal because you haven't much experienced it before.
It surprises you. It takes over so suddenly, leaving you completely defenceless because you never saw it coming...this feeling of restless agitation.
You know the reason somewhere deep down below, but you can't quite put your finger on it.
Or maybe you don't want to acknowledge it.
You know its nothing tangible.
You know small worries from your daily ministrations would never cause this upheaval.
Its something you've known will come along and sweep you away in its tide.
You've tried to fight it for quite sometime but it does take over finally.
It irritates you more...the fact that you as usual cannot control it.
That it takes over and becomes overt.
That you show obvious signs of it by snapping at those around you, those who it does not involve. Those innocent bystanders who befriend you.
The fact that you reach a breaking point irritates you.
Is that all I am made of?
The question makes it even more harder.
It does not allow you to fully throw yourself in the whirlwind and get it over with.
Its a battle. Its a battle where for once you want the agitated whirlwind to win.
But you cannot allow it to. Your principles interfere.
I wonder what better they have ever done for you...these principles?
Nonetheless, with subdued breaths...you let better judgement win and the storm subsides.
In control agin. You know you will be fine and tomorrow will be another day.
You logically know that it was momentary irrational weakness.
You regret having let those who befriend you take the brunt of it,
but you are thankful.
You know it has passed. You made it.
But somewhere the inexplicable fear persists that the storm might come again.
Bigger and larger than before.
You should have let it overcome you so that it would have been gone.
But you squash that thought.
You regain your spirit and think tomorrow will be another day.

Posted by Pavitra :: 13:56 :: 3 comments

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Friday 29 December 2006

Couldn't stop smiling...

A bunch of friends,
in a strange new land...
carefree spirits,
no worries at hand...
a skip, a jump and a song,
anticipation for tonight's fun...
It will be held,
It will last long.

Welcomed from the cold...
into four hearts warm.
They came in like a swarm,
immediately to be embraced by hearts of gold.

A little gossip, leg pulling and mud-slinging
smiles, sighs and laughter galore!
A christmas tree, red and green...
yellow light on a table ladden with kind intentions...
breaths held in suspension,
all ensconsed in the warm glow of awe
If I didn't know better, I'd call it romantic...
But I do suspect,
it was the nearest definition of perfect!

So they ate, drank and made merry..
and almost by folly,
forgot all their responsibilities of life's ferry,
The moments they captured in snaps jolly,
the gladness they locked in content hearts
forever...

A bunch of friends ,
in a strange new land...
carefree spirits,
no worries at hand...
a skip, a jump and a song,
a new gift in their pockets...
a beautiful memory,
a hope for new songs to be sung...
a smile on their lips...
and one inside.

Labels: joy

Posted by Pavitra :: 01:20 :: 4 comments

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Wednesday 27 December 2006

The Professional Vicious Circle

Mr. So-an-so: So what is your daughter doing?
Dad: Masters in Media Management
Mr. So-an-so: Aha so, they have begun to have such courses in India?
Dad: She is studying in London.
Mr. So-an-so: The opportunities children have these days. Such specialisation! In our times management itself was one of the greatest specialisations.
Dad: Yes, now they have management in every field…media, hospitality, medicine…specific to almost every industry.
Mr. So-an-so: Lucky children! Such diverse talents can be tapped into today. So much choice. Such skilled labour the world will enjoy…

Opportunities galore! It’s a whole new world for the youth of today. How tremendously times have changed from the traditional professions of medicine and engineering. Now, even management is becoming a career of the past. Specificities have become the trend of the day. How good can you be at that one minute, narrowed down task? Today, even being a graphics designer is too broad a gambit to be in. New professions are coming up at the rate of birth of children in India. Day before yesterday I met a web grid caricature specialist. No, he can not be called an animations guy because apparently animations can be done outside of grids as well as in the multi-media. Hence, the surmise that perhaps there is a specialist who does animations in grids for multi-media products, one who does animations for multi-media products but does not work on grids, one who does animations only for gaming products and so on and so forth.

What is the one thing you are good at? What is the one thing you can do better than most? What is the one thing you are most interested in? Gone are those days when companies appreciated an all-round person. The style of resumes has changed. The shorter, the better. Bullets. Bullets are the key to everything. ‘Tell me what you got’ is the mantra of the moment. The extras matter, but who are we kidding? Does it really matter whether we did amazingly in debates in school, won medals in basketball, exhibited good leadership qualities? Nope it doesn’t. All that matters is that one skill. Narrow it down. Be specific. Have direction. Many will argue that multi talents are still appreciated. I won’t deny that they are. They are appreciated only if they can be overtly used in the particular profession. (I am not criticising the current trend. I am merely making observations).

And so we march out into various avenues…some into media management (which I have a feeling will be too broad soon…I mean there is TV, internet, multi-media, radio, blah blah), some into investigative journalism (mind you Journalism is way too broad a subject in the 21st century), some will become nose cell surgeons, some will reduce to keyboard servicemen from computer servicemen. Such are the specialisations of today’s time. Thousands of opportunities. Thousands of jobs. Skilled is important.

But in this search for specificity, extreme talent and unparalleled skill are we slowly moving into the arena of unskilled? Are we instead of progressing slowly degenerating? I am working for an absence management firm that makes a record of all absentees in its client companies, sends memos to the managers of these companies that such and such employee has been absent for so many number of days therefore he must be disciplined. This minute division of Human resource management which in itself is a specialisation is today being out-sourced under the pretext of the money the company loses paying absent employees’ sick leave. It does not take into account the excess money being spent on keeping this new company running. It does not require too much skill to do this job other than keen observation, detailed record keeping and iniatiative. Such things have become specifics now. So many such professions are coming up. How skilled are they?

We have been trying to deal with disguised unemployment in the farms in India for years; where 7-8 sons of a farmer till one small little farm and their labour, skill and talent goes waste. Jobs in the commercial industry were looked towards to solve this problem. But without us knowing it the tentacles of disguised unemployment are creeping their way into our skilled corporate worlds.

We have moved in a cycle from the beginning of time from unskilled to skilled to unskilled again. It is yet another vicious circle. History repeats itself. But maybe that is perhaps because the slates are never completely wiped clean.

Labels: corporate culture

Posted by Pavitra :: 06:24 :: 3 comments

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Friday 22 December 2006

The Colour of Money?

The one thing that all my friends and I were really looking forward to gaining from my trip to the UK was a clearer answer to the question of racism.

We had read in over a hundred books, the discrimination against races due to colour of their skin. The victory of the whites over the blacks and browns, through the centuries, in all jurisdictions of life. Be it, occupation, marriage, law, education, societal class and status.

We had read of Martin Luther King’s ‘dream’, Abrahim Lincoln’s war against apartheid, Gandhi’s struggle to unite class and dissipate myths of skin and many such tales of history. In all eagerness, I wanted to witness and discover for myself the cause for racism, to record the evidence of it.

It is the 21st century in London, one of the most cosmopolitan, multi-cultural, multi-lingual cities in the world and I am studying in one of its respected universities, one amongst the immensely eclectic mix of students. We live in the halls. We are of varied colours, we speak varied tongues, we have varied notions of life as it should and should not be lived. I see racism…but a different kind of racism. I see discrimination…but a different kind of discrimination.

The colour of skin seems to be absolutely unnoticed. In the everyday scenes of life we do not encounter any racist issues. We all accept each other as educated human beings and exchange ideas. But yes, when we talk about the world at large and of our image as a race internationally, do the differences arise. We talk about developed nations and under developed nations, we talk about economic stability and political power. We talk about the strength of the United States and the power of the Europeen Union. We talk about how the focus of industrial growth is shifting to Asia. We talk about strengths and weaknesses, of advantages and disadvantages, of upper hands and underdogs but, we do not talk about the colour of the skin.

It makes me wonder. Has the definition of racism changed over the years, or has it always been the same? Is it about the colour of the skin or is it about the colour of money? Is racism better described as division on the basis of skin or on the basis of economic power?

Posted by Pavitra :: 04:35 :: 6 comments

---------------oOo--------------- Pathetic me...

It happens to most,
Not many escape it,
Some suffer it stronger,
some fight it better,
Some adamantly squash it
others, unaffected brush it away without the slightest effort
Some like me struggle within its storm...
wondering in awe at the at indifferent lot.
All the same,
It happens to most,
not many escape it...
the Wrath of indecision.

The legendary tug of war
Torn between the pull
Who’s stronger?
The will or the har’t?
The constant conflict..
To give in…
To twirl in the swirl of fun n frolick?
To resist…
To burn the flame of the midnight oil?
Tis’ only at this time…
Tis’ only at this hour…
Tis’ only now that both refuse to fuse
You see, it’s the seasonal ruse!

Oh let the better man win…
Either har’t or will,
Neither will be sin…
But let’s escape the indecision!
To be merry, without strings…
To be sombre, without strings…

I hate the holiday season…
I don’t love anytime more!
All coins have two sides…
Wish mine had just one!

Posted by Pavitra :: 03:51 :: 4 comments

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Friday 15 December 2006

Alice in Wonderland: Yr 2006!! PART II

While Alice struggled to catch her breath (which gave Rabbit a reason to smirk even more) and the car zigzagged through the inner lanes of Harrow, both Savvos the driver (who is also a greek guy with the perfect profile…she couldn’t believe she’d just met one of them!) and Martha the co-passenger (middle-aged woman with a reddish orange curly mop on her head wearing a similar coloured gypsy dress…she couldn’t believe she was meeting one of them either….both fell perfectly in the pages of books she’d read) introduced themselves and bombarded Alice with questions all of which she couldn’t answer as she was still trying to catch her breath much to the delight of Rabbit who immediately came to the rescue and answered all the questions for her (not because he was being helpful but because he is superfast and knows everything!).They reached their destination and as is always the men left to park the car and the women walked over to the house. ‘The food is upstairs’ yelled a short disoriented English man with a sweet smile as Martha and Alice walked past him without so much of a handshake. Alice would have liked to stop and say Hi but she just followed the gypsy feeling suddenly abandoned by Rabbit. So, they barged into the kitchen loaded their plates with lasagne, some sort of vegetable stew and chilli curry and started cramming the food into their mouths at breakneck speed. Nay, Alice is way too polite and ladylike to do that (ignore Rabbit’s guffaw here). She did stuff her plate with a whole load of food though (I mean she is a poor international student in the world’s most expensive city isn’t she?). Plate in hand, as she walked into the living room, the first thought that passed through Alice’s mind was ‘Oh my God, it’s the London Opera’. She was assailed by a chorus of greetings ‘hi’, ‘Hi’, ‘hI’, ‘HI’, ‘Hie’……’hi’, ‘hy’ (I cannot do anymore permutations and combinations of this two letter word…I have a few limitations as a writer). The seating arrangement was circular. There were people of all colours (white, yellow, brown and black) and ages. It looked like one of those counselling groups. Alice plonked herself next to a white haired man who was the only person in the room without a plate (he must either have great will power or an extremely strict dietician or wife, she thought to herself). Silence followed and stretched. All that could be heard was occasional sighs and regular munching. After the sudden cacophony of hi’s, this was unnerving. ‘Gosh Rabbit truly believes I need psychopathic counselling’, thought poor Alice. ‘So, where are you from?’ asked James’s wife Frances. And thus began the first conversation of the afternoon. Everyone started halted talks with one another before the symphony began again. ‘hi’, ‘Hey’, ‘Heya Rabbit’, ‘ho’ ‘Hi’, ‘hI’, ‘hie’….Rabbit was back!! Its amazing how popular Rabbit was among this diverse group inspite of being the ‘larger than thou’ person that he is. They all actually loved him!! The welcome was apparent. After that everything was alright. Conversation picked up and knowing that Rabbit hadn’t left her in some sort of ‘madness resolution group’, Alice threw herself into enjoying her surroundings and mixing with fellow colours. Its surprising how similar people from different part of the world really are. For one they would all go anywhere for free food and for another they loved talking about food. So, there was Alice in her elements talking nineteen to a dozen as if she were Penelope Cruz from ‘Woman on top’ about Indian recipes hoping against hope Rabbit wouldn’t hear a word of what she was saying. You see, in spite of all his short comings, he’s a master chef! (groan).

The first few minutes had seemed to drag but, the next two hours flew so quickly! Everyone seemed to be talking at the same time. There was buzz of conversation. Sudden bursts of loud laughter, sounds of breaking crockery and amateur tunes from the piano from time to time stood out in the buzz. But even they seemed to somehow blend. A guy from Jamaica exhibited a typically Indian sense of humour, a sixteen year old high school kid shared the same interest in books as Alice, a girl from china rehearsed some forgotten piano notes with her, Savvos from Greece shared similar theories about epistemology in spite of the cultural difference, an English woman surprisingly seemed to know more about making excellent mutter paneer than her (though this I think is because Rabbit must have let her in on some trade secrets)! It’s surprising how a bunch of people put into a room in a foreign country; all from different lands and cultures can so easily mix and match and blend and bond. There is something about circles. Alice always used to laugh and think to herself ‘what a waste of time these counseling sessions must be. Everyone uncomfortable, forced to talk. How can it resolve problems?’ But you can so easily open up to strangers and let things slip that you otherwise would never have let yourself says. But I think there’s something more that makes the colour of skin and age wither away into nothingness in a foreign place. It is like some sort of comraderie, some sort of brethren. It is like there is an unwritten, subconscious agreement. It says, we all come from different places, we all know different homes, we all speak different languages, we all have different names for vegetables and relatives, but we are all first and foremost men and women who have come under various circumstances to follow our dreams. We all understand dreams. ‘There is something about circles’, thought Alice, ‘they make you feel at home’. POP!

Rabbit: C’mon grab your coat and lets go. Farewells and sincere promises to meet again followed. And once more the symphonies ‘bi’, ‘bye’, ‘buy’ ‘BYE’, ‘Bi’, ‘bI’….’bbye’ (there aren’t many permutations and combinations for three letter words either)!

We were greeted by chilly air and the beginnings of a shower. But for once Alice was too content to crib (which is a good thing because Rabbit needs the least amount of an excuse to start lecturing…not that Alice cribs often! What?? Its true). They hit crossroads. So, was it a left or a right? Alice definitely thought it was a left. Obviously Rabbit was not one to listen to her keen sense of direction (she does have one….no matter what Rabbit says….you’ll have to agree with her because I have the copyright to this story!) So they went right. And they walked uphill against the cold wind.
Alice: Are you sure you know the way?
Rabbit: Ofcourse I do.
Alice: Do you want to ask someone…?
Rabbit: Just follow me. And she did like a lamb (which is very rare for Alice, Rabbit should be eternally grateful).
They walked in silence. They breathed in fresh air; they took in the sights of rows and rows of tiny cottages. They sang. Oh yeah they did.

Rabbit: Yaaron dosti badi hi hassen….
Alice: Yeh naa ho toh…kya phir bolo…
They aren’t the world’s best singers. In fact they aren’t very good singers. Let me put this more plainly, neither of them has any tune sense whatsoever! (Rabbit might disagree but the truth is the truth!) But they still sang. Old songs, bizarre songs. It didn’t matter…they were songs. Like circles, there is also always something about afternoons like these…where the wind blows, the rain falls but you don’t care, you still sing.

Crossroads again. They had come back full circle from where they started. Not all circles have a good feeling about them and this was one of those. And then the banter, the ruse, the arguing, the war on whose sense of directionality is better began. Alice won. They this time took Alice’s chosen path which took them right up to their doorsteps. (Though to be fair to Rabbit it wasn’t because her sense of direction was any good; she had chosen the path based on merely inky pinky ponky. As an author I would definitely say Rabbit won, but Alice is becoming quite a stubborn character!)

Alice, Rabbit: Neela aasman so gaya…
They could see the sun setting behind the chimney tops.
Alice: Chim chimney chim chimney chimchim chimey…look up at the rooftops. Have you seen mary poppins.
Rabbit: Do it!
Alice (confused): Do what?
Rabbit: Click your heels.
Ha ha ha laughter. Pure innocent unadulterated laughter at the simplest thing that always without fail makes you happy. Jumping up high in air. They tried to best each other. Of course here Rabbit won hands down (I mean he is a Rabbit for Gods sakes and he is also six feet tall!)

Thus, they walked, rather hopped, skipped and jumped (don’t forget the singing) back to the University. It was then that Alice realized why she’d enjoyed every moment so thoroughly…She hadn’t for even a second thought about her assignments waiting to be completed, her job, things to be planned, nothing. All she had done was, gone out with a friend and lived every moment to what it was without any badgering thoughts. Her daddy had always told her ‘live every moment to the fullest. Play with your entire spirit when you play and study with complete concentration when you study, but don’t cheat on either activity.’ It’s amazing how many of daddy’s wise words she had neglected and overlooked over the years. It’s amazing how many she was remembering in these few months. Full circles.

She walked into her room and turned on the comp she with a smile,

Page 1. Google mail.

Mom: how was your day?
Alice: Wonderful
Mom: What did you eat for lunch?
Alice: Carrots.

Like I said there is something about circles....wonderful!

Posted by Pavitra :: 15:54 :: 5 comments

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Monday 11 December 2006

Alice in wonderland: Yr 2006!! PART I

Alice sat on her blue chair with her legs on the table rolling her eyes at the laptop screen. Multi- tasking is such a difficult undertaking. Her mom obviously doesn't agree with her. And why should she? She in her lifetime has answered and kept happy at the same time a man shouting at the top of his lungs about his golf sticks being dirty (her husband), a girl yelling from the bath for a towel, the man friday rhetorically repeating questions on what groceries should be bought and an unreasonable and absolutely spoilt dog barking for...err not food just her attention (adorable lab she is!!). But this isn't a story about supermom and her terrible family. This is a story about the girl with her legs on the table.

Alice moved to England two months ago to do her Masters in Arts from the University of Westminster. As you can see she came from a very loving family. She assumed she will miss them very much. But in actuality she didn't miss them much at all. Nay, it wasn't because she is unattached but because her loving supermom thanks to the digital age still efficiently manages to remain a major part of her life. Yes the magic of google mail!

Laptop screen:

Page 1: Assignmnent 3.
Media is a dynamic industry as it exists in a dual market...

(write write write phew)

Page 2: Google mail.
mom: What are you doing?
When did u get up?
what time did you have breakfast?
What did you have for breakfast?

(N.B- supermom types as fast as she does other things!)

Alice: Toast with mushroom

Page 3: Google UK.
BBC is a non profit organisation. It is the first and only Public broadcasting system in....

(read read read phew)

Page 2: mom: what time did you eat it?
Are you eating healthy?
Do you chew properly?
How fast do you chew?

Alice: Mommy!

Yeah am eating healthy!

POP! Rabbit: Ok wear ur shoes and pick up a coat!

Lunch with old folks. Nothing fishy. They are just white.

And we are late!!

Page 4: Copyright Act 1957

The Indian copyright law is a very general one and has been designed to...

(cram cram cram phew)

Page 2: mom: Why don't you anwer my questions?

Why are you so disinterested?

Alice: Am listening mamma...

(sigh I should have been born a boy)

Rabbit: Come on we are late!!

Alice: I cant have to study!

(why doesn't he jus leave me alone?)

Alice: Should i go for lunch with rabbit??

mom: Who's Rabbit?

Is he a boy?

Alice: Neighbour. White couple called us. I neeed to go now!!

Mom: Be carefull. Don talk to strangers. Be careful with rabbits, ask what it is before u eat anything, take an umbrella with you. Daddy's saying take a gun with you...

Alice: K mom bbye!! Will fill u in later!

Even before Alice signs off...

knock, Knock, KNOCK!!

Rabbit: "We are LATE!! Don't know why girls take so long to get dressed...Grrrr"

Chaos. Alice flies out of pyjamas. Grabs a tee and pair of jeans. Tug. pull. push. Uggh the Tee gets stuck on her head.

Alice: "Abhm combhingh"

Rabbit: "Move it!"

Door flies open. Actually door opens. Rabbit jumps back in surprise. Alice flies out.

Rabbit: "Don't stop running till you hit the tube station!"

They ran. They flew. Atleast Alice felt like they were flying. She hadn't run in ages!! It felt amazing the cold, crisp air. She felt like a school girl again. She could almost imagine her piggy tails in red ribbons flying behind her! She was getting out of breath. Rabbit was too fast. No it wasn't because he is a real rabbit. And it wasn't because he was a boy! It certainly wasn't because Alice was unfit. (Hey this is her story. You have to believe her). It was only because Rabbit was 6 feet tall and had longer legs! She was beggining to feel the constriction in her throat. "Come on! Don't stop. Just another 100 yards. You'll miss the car," yelled Rabbit!! Alice wasn't about to be left behind after this marathon!! A spurt of energy and she was almost keeping pace. (Rabbit will tell you otherwise, but like I said this is Alice's story!). He jumped into the car. The man behind the wheels revved up the engine. Alice made it just in time and flew into the car as it took off!! (Yes I have just recently seen the latest bond film!)

(to be continued)

Labels: fiction

Posted by Pavitra :: 06:37 :: 8 comments

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Sunday 10 December 2006

Stand by me...

We set goals. We have dreams and ambitions. We have visions of where life is taking us. We adopt ideals of being strong, focussed, rational, logical, optimistic no matter what. We take a subconscious oath to do whatever it takes to stick to our chosen paths. Be it being successful in our chosen careers, a loving spouse, a generous parent, a supportive friend or an idealistic human being.

Little do we cater for life's unpredictable twists. We pledge to be rational and logical but in our wildest imaginations we don't dream of things going drastically wrong. We don't believe sudden bombshells or dramatic tragedies could be part of our life stories. It can't happen to me. It happens somewhere to people. It is reality, I empathise but it isn't my reality. But things do happen. Things that are out of our control. Things that we can do little to stop or change. Things that make out heartbeats stop for a moment...or many moments.

People die. A friend realises they have an incurable disease, Another loses the soulmate and love of a lifetime, someone close to your heart cries in anguish of having been raped by the one man they ever loved, a person you respect for his vision and focus has to give up his dreams and ambitions for a familial duty. Some cry, some rave and rant, some build up walls it would take years to erode and some stoicly take it in silence with a smile on their faces.

No matter what the manner of endurance, all ultimately learn to take what life doles out to them in their stride. They have to. 'Life goes on', it is said. It is the natural corollary to survival. But then the thought persists...'Why?' Why did it have happen? Why do they have to undergo the test? Why should it hurt? I told myself it doesn't matter. Am not bothered. Its ok.

Daddy always said, 'lie to the world if you have to, but never be foolish enough to lie to yourself'. I had forgotton those words. Pricky repeated them to me today. A tear rolled down my cheek as i thought 'it does matter'. The fact that these things do happen was not the cause for my woe. But the fact that I could do nothing to change or help them hurt me. It was the feeling of helplessness that hurt.

Then I realised that everyone learns the lessons of life. They must to survive. I can't stop the people I love from getting hurt but I can definitely give them the courage to stand up straight, give them the hope to see beyond the despair, Give them my unwavering faith, be strong for them when they need the strength the most. I can definitely do that. It looked like a mountanious task a few hours ago but, weighed against how much I love them it was nothing.

'Darling, darling stand...stand by me'.

'I will', my heart whispered.

Posted by Pavitra :: 12:39 :: 6 comments

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Friday 8 December 2006

VALENTINE'S DAY

(Before I begin I'd like to give you a little context. I've been asked by a very close and annoying friend to write about Valentine's day without using the words Cupid, flowers, hearts, love, February, roses and Valentine's Day itself!!)

This is one day when I see mist and haze everywhere. Not in the air but in the eyes of people. I see through their eyes a world of fantasy and dreams with ‘happily ever after’ written all over them, of romantic conquests long fought and won and of many more romantic adventures yet to come. It is only on this day that I see even the most practical and conservative of them dream unhesitant, almost heroically of lives lived in pure joy with a long desired but not understood craving of being held and cherished by an almost godlike figure who personifies their very concept of the perfect ‘man’ or ‘woman’.

Pure, unrivalled hope fills their hearts, blinding them to the tug of reason and common sense. They for once allow themselves to see and believe the impossible and convince themselves without much effort that...it can be…It will find me…it exists…I will find my soul mate and then nothing else will touch me.

With clouds in their eyes and a certain bounce to their gait they thus go about their daily chores oblivious to those around them, expecting that certain magic to happen at any moment...like now…or just after I finish this write-up…or just when I walk around that bend. They smile those secret smiles, like they know some beautiful secret foretold only to them.

So easily have people over the centuries caught on to the myth of this little Greek God with his special bow and arrows that work wonders and simply spring soul mates out of thin air to take home and adore…of this miracle that is just waiting to happen….of a beautiful boon that is given to them as a gift from god. So easily have people believed in the ‘phenomenon’ of ‘love at first sight’ that they no longer know what it means to take a deeper look.

They expect this romantic vision of a human who will understand them so perfectly that they don’t even have to take the effort of understanding themselves. Their expectations are so wild and unreasonable that they expect this soul mate to know everything about them from the moment their eyes meet from across the room. They believe that this person will find for them that great feeling of euphoria and meaning that life is supposed to have.

Soon their cloud clears and they don’t understand why they weren’t understood and why their once soul mate turned into such a disappointment....But, time heals or rather it makes them forget. They once again wait for that special day made especially for lovers by that tiny Greek god and once again there is mist in their eyes…………..and repeated are the sharp shards of disappointment that prick them. but, then again....time heals. It is then that you hear people around you bitterly call this the karmic circle of life where nothing is in their hands and they call themselves the ‘victims of life’.

Little do they understand that all this happiness and romantic euphoria is in their hands. Only when they decide to claim their lives as their own…. when they realize that all their moments in life are decided by choices that they make…that the kind of soul mate to hold and keep does not come from some gods arrows but from their own understanding of their desires, capabilities and objectives…will the haze begin to lift.

It is only with this self-realization that this HOPE will be rightly mirrored in clear and focused eyes that are ready to take a deeper look and make their own happiness. Only then will the world be ready to truly accept the ‘circle of life’ with true contentent.

Labels: valentines day

Posted by Pavitra :: 19:00 :: 7 comments

---------------oOo--------------- The gale

It was a test from heaven. The winds were so strong. I don't know how I managed push myself against their superior strength and take laborious steps ahead. I had lost a sense of moving forward. I just knew I was moving. It pushed me to the right and it pushed me to the left. A sudden gust pushed me forward. I almost stumbled onto my face! My hair swirled all around my face. I couldn't see where I was going. I hoped to God I was moving in the right direction. And then I heard them. The sounds grew insistently louder, closer. They circled my struggling body. They enveloped the air. The cry of the wolves. I felt like a weary wanderer lost in a desert. The haze momentarily lifted from my mind. What would wolves be doing in a desert. Desert? Hah thats some imagination! I scorned at myself. I was walking a concrete road in Harrow. Alright then a concrete desert. But the sound of the wolves is real. The force of the wind is real. My struggle is real.

'Shriya, SHRIYA!' I cried out.
'Wait up!!...ha ha ha....suddenly I couldn't stop laughing as I strived to catch my breath and calm my breathing.
'I've just seen it. I've just heard it!'
'What?' she asked flabbergasted at my gaity in this gale.
'I've just heard the wind howling! I've just had a glimpse of what the Mystery moor must have been like!! Am in England!!'
ha Ha HA....peals of laughter as both friends let the moment seep in.
'Yes we did see it, we did live it'.
If only for once.
But now i've felt it.
It'll last for a lifetime.

There was a small tornado in the north of London yesterday morning. A few houses were damaged. The wind raged a gale for a few hours. Train time tables were disturbed. The workforce (including students and those with a mission) continued their normal activities against all odds. We were among the few who saw true beauty.

Posted by Pavitra :: 01:27 :: 5 comments

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Thursday 7 December 2006

Brave Heart

It glows ferociously in the dark,
the sizzling torch of fire.
It stands out in the blackness...
the lone flame unseen before.

Not bright, not flickering
But warm and steady.
No breeze, no wind, no tempest
hath the strength to diminish its glow.
Nay it didn't waver, it didn't dull
It stands out in the blackness...
the lone flame unseen before.

"Nothin stops it" acclaim all in surprise...
"How hath it go on for so long?"
"what burns it?" cry all other flames...
"Must it not die by now?"
It stands out in the blackness...
the lone flame unseen before.

Strong winds blow,
the tempest rages again...
many flames die...
there is a lull in the air...
It stands out in the blackness...
the lone flame unseen before.

Tell us thy secret...
give us your fuel
Help us fight the tempest,
We will believe in you with no regret
It stands surrounded by flames drowning the blackness
the lone flame unseen before.

The tempest raged,
its steady flame offered solace, peace, inspiration
the flames followed suit
and soon the storm ceased.

Bright light everywhere!
The flames rose high in the sky
rejoice! rejoice! rejoice!
"We will believe in you with no regret" they cry
But it remains tempered by the mometary victory
It stands out in the blackness...
the lone flame unseen before.

The tempest comes back
stronger and larger than before.
'Strive to stand', 'strive to glow'
commands the lone flame
alas! many flames die
the storm was too strong
Hurt, wounded, dimmed...
It still stands out in the blackness...
the lone flame unseen before.

Tired, unable to glow as strong as before
it continues to stand through the next tempest
'We must fight, we must strive'
We must save our light.
But there is no we...
'Thy not of practical pursiut, thy stand for romantic illusions'
they cower to the tempest,
the flames that pledge their faith.

Deserted, It still stands out in the blackness...
the lone flame unseen before.
It burns the tempest
on staggering embers of betrayal
Its faith doesn't waver
It stands steady till the end...
The flame dies a brave heart.
'the tempest is defeated'
'Hail brave heart, hail brave heart'!

Posted by Pavitra :: 01:02 :: 3 comments

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Wednesday 6 December 2006

HEAVEN ON EARTH!

Blue. So blue. Clear light blue. It darkens in places. And it stretches from eternity to eternity. It softly beckoned me to close my eyes. But soft fleeting breeze interrupted that call. It brought with it this comforting smell. The smell made me smile. It does that this smell. It makes you want to expand your lungs and take in as much as you can. I turned my head to the side slightly, and saw green. Thick dark green. It extended from eternity to eternity. The breeze washed over me one more time exaggerating the quietness. The smell once again filled my lungs. It was the smell of earth; of mud, of flowers, of animals, of life. I closed my eyes and thought I must be in heaven.

woof. Woof. WOOF. A sudden thunder pounded its way into my slumber. it became louder. the earth quavered below me. It edged its way into my consciousness. My eyes flew open as I was attacked by this golden creature. Licks everywhere. Wet. Slurp. Slosh. wholsh. Slop. Paws walked over me, a tail wacked me twice in the face, a wet nose nudged my ribs. jolie. Jolie. JOLIE. A mans rich golden voice called the golden creature off. Only such a voice could have accomplished such a task. The creature gave me one last lick on the face and cantered with boundless energy towards the man. A Laugh. A powerfull swing. And the man had throw the ball far into the sky. He didn't even have to say 'catch Jolie' and the Labrador was already flying after the ball with a gusto. Go Jolie! Good Girl! Everything merged. The blue. The green. The golden and my father. The quietitude had been broken. But I was never more peaceful. I smiled as I got up and thought I am on earth but this is my HEAVEN!

Posted by Pavitra :: 06:11 :: 9 comments

---------------oOo--------------- An Ode To Whispers...

I talk a lot...
but I never tell.
I thought only I knew the difference.
But the whispers had something else to spell...
They urged me to fly, they urged me to tell...
they only promised they would listen.
Its not that I was afraid..
I connot quite say what it was..
I always considered myself brave, strong, confident
but for some reason, never thought anyone would want to
listen to the tales i have got to tell.
But the whispers persisted.
They urged me to fly, they urged me to tell...
they only promised they would listen.
Slowly, out of curiosity I walked over to the window
and wondered what it would be like to fly.
If I fell, would someone catch me?
Should i try? Should I tell?
I thought I'd give it a try.
I told one, I told two...
I realised theres more due.
I am not worried about someone catching me if I fall anymore...
I think am enjoying the flight too much to care.
The whispers didn't realise the significance behind their mindless badgering.
They might never.
But this is an ode to the whispers
They urged me to fly, they urged me to tell...

Posted by Pavitra :: 04:53 :: 4 comments

---------------oOo--------------- The wheels are turning

There was an air of purpose. A sense of urgency and action dispersed in the air. It created a low buzz of permeating excitement. The click of high heels and polished shoes though frenzied, sounded rhythmic. It sounded like the sound was meant to be at that time. Like the chirping of birds is meant to be in the wee hours of the morn. It fit in. It seemed natural. It belonged to the hour. The energy and excitement and purpose were engulfing...

I had always looked and imagined. I half felt, half fantasised about that buzz. I saw it on TV (Ally MacBeal....my fav scene), I read about it. I envied those who I perceived to be full of direction. The officegoers had always left me with a feeling of awe. I never once imagined I'd be part of it.

Then one morning, I got into the tube and into a crowded train towards Barons Court. It was full of nonchalant people dressed in pencil skirts and pinstripe suits. Greys everywhere. Most on the phone and the rest reading the Morning metro. Train stopped. A rush of people got out. I moved with the crowd. Walked down Hammersmith Road, the heels clicked, the greys blurred. Red Light. Everyone stopped. Ever get a collective feeling of thinking the same thing? This one could not have been stronger. I could feel it like a force. And in a way it was. This was the work force. I was going to work. An insignificant job nonetheless but at that moment, waiting for the walk light to turn green I felt the urgency, the purpose, the need to be somewhere at a particular time because something was waiting to be done. And it slowly engulfed me...the overwhelming wave of excitement that I was the one to do it. And at that moment all thoughts of insignificant flew out of my mind. What remained was this feeling of acceptance, a new start. A start to what I couldn't quite understand but all that mattered was that I was an officegoer!

I thought maybe it was a dream. Maybe I had imagined it. Maybe it was just the thrill of doing something new. But then, everyday when I walk down Hammersmith Road I feel the same rush of excitement, the same feeling of purpose, the same overwhelming awe. It did not fade. It lasted. I will feel it again tomorrow. It told me of excitement greater to come. I cannot put my finger on what that excitement will be but there is a promise of it.

The wheels are turning...Yes the wheels are turning.

Posted by Pavitra :: 03:41 :: 2 comments

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Monday 4 December 2006

A world without formalities…

People always tell you “there are no sorry’s and thank you’s in friendship”. “You don’t have to say that, we are friends after all”. They magnanimously tell you that you can take them for granted just because they have pledged their friendship to you. They honestly and truly believe that they will shower you with love and favours unconditionally without expecting anything in return.

Why then does dissatisfaction and hurt arise and exist? Why then do people feel betrayed and bitter towards acts of disloyalty? How do they expect people they love and cherish to respect them and pay them back in kind? Or if not pay them back, at least be grateful and thankful.

“It is then said that actions speak louder than words”. “I don’t expect my friends to thank me everytime I do something for them but I do know they’ll stand by me”. But how do you know that? How can you be so sure that those that you yourself have allowed to take you for granted will in forms of action repay you or stand by you in times when you need it?

Maybe they will. Maybe you have been lucky enough to amass such friends. But sometimes there never does arise a situation when someone can/needs to do you an act of kindness or loyalty. Then how do you know that you and your efforts have been appreciated? That you are important and your every good deed has not gone unseen?

Why be a hypocrite to yourself and deny yourself the momentary pleasure and warm glow of simple words like ‘thank you’ and ‘it means a lot to me’. You know they make you happy. I don’t believe that the logic of “it is a selfless deed” exists. Who are you kidding? When you do something for others, it makes you feel happy. That is not a selfless deed. There is no such thing as a selfless deed.

Miscommunication. What is the pain conjoined to that word? When your efforts seem wasted, when your acts of affection go unappreciated, when your moments of thoughtfulness are enjoyed unacknowledged? No one has to do anything for anyone. It is not a given that your parents must love you. It is not a given that your friends must care for you. It is never a given that your lover must be ever loyal to you. Each and every moment wherein someone else made a small adjustment for you is a blessing. Appreciate it and let others appreciate you.
Small words like ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’ make big words like ‘miscommunication’ disappear! It might seem too simple, like Aristootle said, 'in the simple truths lie the wisest most profound answers to life'.

Posted by Pavitra :: 08:08 :: 5 comments

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