Tempest

Monday, 7 May 2007

Life is like that

I needed to clear my head. I wasn't thinking a single thought. My mind was blank but it was feeling dense and dull and heavy. I did instinctively what I'd usually do in such a situation. I without thinking put on my shoes, my sweatshirt and walked out into the cold night air. It was 11 pm. I walked past the old blocks and the undergrads were drinking and throwing yells out of their windows. They were noisy and the clanging of glass and loud music at regular intervals jarred my ear drums as I walked past block after block. Yet it was like back ground music. I didnt quite register them. I didnt quite acknowledge their presence. Like I said my mind was dense and dull.

I walked into the Northwick Park opening and here the wind was colder and suddenly everything was louder. The thick green bushes on the side of the narrow dimly lit path were creepy. It built slowly, like a small gnawing in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the bushes and kept imagining a sudden hand or some other gross super natural entity coming flying at me. I had this nigging feeling at the back of my neck that someone was following me but I was too scared to look behind so I just started walking briskly. A sudden cyclist whizzed past me and I jumped out of my skin. Even before I could get my breath under control a branch of the tree on my left started creaking. It sounded like the creaking of an old wooden door. I swear it did. The branch was loose and the slight breeze was making it creak. Even with that logical reasoning I couldn't quell the goose bumps...the escalating fear.

And then I got irritated. I mean this is my walk. I am supposed to be relaxing in the cool breeze and be gaining some moony perspective. I stopped abruptly at the clearing ahead and forced myself to stare fixatedly at the bushes with wierdly spaced out gaps in them. The first few moments were terrifying but then nothing happened. I forced my breathing to calm and slowly turned my back to the bushes to look out at the dark park...at the stars in the sky...at the faint dim outline of the moon...at the sudden whizzing of a fast train with sparkling lights...at the vast expanse above me...pitch dark in places and still navy blue in others...I took a deep breath and let the night air fill my lungs. I stopped there and looked all around for about five minutes. My fear had dissipated and I don't think I had ever seen such a beautiful night. I turned around and slowly walked back home. I smiled at the creaking tree and willed myself to walk past it even more slowly than slow. It felt good to dare myself. I suddenly didn't feel like crying anymore. I was choked but not that bad.

It was significant this walk. I think life is like that.

Posted by Pavitra :: 15:57 :: 6 comments