These must be desperate times yet for me to break promises, defy time and somehow come running back to old familiar grounds. I never once imagined I'd be back, penning words on this blog, a relic of the older version of me. I thought I had grown out of the need to be heard, to express myself, to find a safe space to pour my yearnings onto. But I guess somethings never die. The magic remains. After months of not being able to vomit a single word on a page, here I am eagerly letting my thoughts dance on this page.

It's been too long and I admit amidst all the growing up of these past few years, the desire to write has never ebbed. Yet, my writing was never the same since Prude's Tempest.

I had once found a freedom on this blog. A sense of self and worth, a sense of belonging and meaning. Somehow the blog helped me become me and yet I abandoned it. I guess its a rite of passage, just as a snake sheds its skin to grow a new one or a butterfly destroys its cocoon to blossom.  But my evolution into a determined, focused, practical person seemed to have somehow stamped out the beauty and effervasence of an ever imaginative mind. A mind that sought the unreal, a mind that dreamed up ice cream clouds, philosophical tulips and dancing unicorns. A mind that understood and had absolute belief in fairy tales and Narnia. If the logical part of my brain could believe in aliens then how could parallel universes or magical societies be any less true?

I missed this part of me. I missed the dreamer, the girl who believed that the best part is yet to come...especially on the next page! But the magic always pulls you back. It's like invisible gravity...ever present, yet unnoticed.

I thought I could never write like her again, yet here I am, pouring my heart out at the one place where the magic began; where dreams flowed and imagination came to life. I feel like I just walked through a time vortex, met the old part of me and embraced her with the biggest warmest hug I have ever given anybody in the longest while. Do I regret the growing up, the changed priorities, the focus on the here and now? How can I when everything I've been and everything I've done has led me here...back to her. Stronger than before, more disciplined and determined than before, yet, eager to let her fly and take the lead because while I have lived, it is her who will make us fly.

Prude, you go girl!