Tempest

Monday, 12 February 2007

I breathed

I took a deep breath
I planned to hold it for as long as I could...
could feel my heartbeat
louder, each beat pronounced.
seconds passed
it felt like eternity
the thudding grew harder
it was as if my entire being consisted of nothing but the heart
it slammed against my chest
the urge to give in
to take a breath was immense
I could feel the blood drain from my limbs
feet, hands all clammy
my body begged for release...
unknown, tears seeped down my cheeks
The massive internal struggle
almost made me forget...
one breath was what would be my only saviour
drumming in my ears, my temples
thud Thud THUD
i dind't even feel my knees begin to buckle, to give way
my body engulfed in weakness
everything was clogged
black and spashes of red were all i could see
I couldn't take it anymore...
everything was begginnig to fade,
grey....black...blank
nothing.

suddenly a flash of blinding light...
my eyes seared under its harsh bite
my mouth on its own accord opened
gasp...choke...splutter...
it rushed in
great amounts of it
water not air...
i drank tons of it,
it tasted like some salty anti-septic...
it was disgusting...
it was manna from heaven!
I took deep gasping breaths
I couldn't get enough of it
I felt free, i felt liberated
I felt like it was my first breath.
And it was...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I am terrified of heights. I have always been a little wary of water as well. This is what those 30 seconds felt like when I jumped off a 3 metre board for the first time. It felt like I was never going to re-surface. He made me do it. He made me walk onto the board and told me to jump. I made it worse for myself. I kept staring at the water and the fear kept building. I don't know how I jumped. Its just that I couldn't have climbed down the ladder, he wouldn't have let me. I hated him at that moment. I think the wind forced me, it pushed me. 30 seconds later I felt the head rush....the exhilaration...the gratitude. I never thanked him. I do now.

I miss swimming.

Posted by Pavitra :: 17:47 :: 3 comments