Tempest

Sunday 26 August 2007

Just...

I walked into the house and I just knew it. I felt it in the space around me, in the charge in the air. I could sense it, I could smell it...the smell of home. I could actually see myself cleaning up the filthy mess and the thick layers of dust from the mantle pieces, from the rugs, from the furniture. I could picture myself standing in that kitchen on a cold winter morning and drinking a cup of coffee while staring out of that window. I could feel the sunny summer days when I'd lounge around in the cool living room that has the blue bean bag. I was almost there in that vision where am lying on my stomach leaning over a book on that bed...in that bedroom which I already felt was mine. I was lost...yet I was found. I wasn't hearing a bit of the conversation that my future roomie was having with the landlord...I was already sold on the house.

Thats when I caught a sudden snippet of conversation mentioning the rent. Once that was mentioned other practical considerations came into play; considerations of accessibility of transport, distance from nearest amenities, security etc. Eventually for all good reasons we gave up the house and for all good reasons I felt like someone had just stomped on my silly chit of a heart. Just like that...

And so the house hunting continued. Its been harrowing and exhausting and overwhelming. Many were practical but they still weren't the same as that house. I was being ridikulous I know...but for some reason it was like having rejected the right guy and now temporarily settling for ummm well a practical alternative. See how callous it sounds?? But well we are unemployed and looking for a place to stay till we find a job and so it was the only sensible thing to do. And I always think a million times and try and do these sensible things...try being the operative word.

But all the practicality definitely killed the fun. I've never had a concept of what house hunting should be like and have simply taken people's word for it when they said it was exhausting. But that day when I saw the house, a funny thing happened. I wanted to look for one with someone else. It surprised me this thought...this feeling...this feeling new...I wanted to find one and rejoice the feeling of belonging there with a man. I wanted to feel his presence in our house. I wanted to just worry about practicalities that would revolve around this little world of mine. I even thought of how it would be house hunting with him when we have kids if ever...how far would the school be, is it close to his office...I couldn't stop. It was like this flood. House suddenly brought family to my mind. And suddenly I wanted one of my own...I wanted to be doing this search with him. I wanted to be exhausted, exhilarated and overwhelmed with him....house hunting ofcourse!!

So today, as I think of practicalities I promised myself that someday house hunting will just be fun. Just...

Posted by Pavitra :: 15:06 :: 15 comments